Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
