Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
