yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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