Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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