I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Enjoy the penises
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
