Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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