Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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