so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize