well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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