Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
