My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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