Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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