Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
