i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
