i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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