More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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