If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
