he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
