Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
