dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
