goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
