you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
