we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
