she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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