i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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