So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
