oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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