So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
