Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
