That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
as a side note pls kill me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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