He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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