i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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