This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
