Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
