i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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