dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
