if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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