It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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