he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
