She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
