I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I could fuck to npr.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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