I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
