Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Screwed.edu
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
