Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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