OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how do flat chested girls get laid?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
