we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
