someone threw a dead crab at me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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