My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
