you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
