Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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