hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
