if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize