It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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