Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
