Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
