He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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