shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
