everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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