So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
