We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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