I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
