just tell him i said nine months
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
