so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
40s are totally the cure
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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