Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
