I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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